How do your favorite letters stack up?


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Oh boy, do I love H!

Patrick Grimes, Humor Editor

Letters: they’re the things we use every day. They make up every word of every sentence that we write and speak. And yet, which one is the best? Out of all twenty-six letters, there has to be one that is the best. Many things go into what make a letter great: use, how it looks, sentimental attachments, etc. This list will take all these factors into account to create the definitive alphabet list.


26th: A

Y’know what they say, “First is worst.” And A is without a doubt the first letter alphabetically, so therefore– it is the worst.

25th: J

Coming in just after A is our good friend J. J is an interesting character, but not in the good way. His aesthetic is bad, looking like an upside down candy cane, and he just isn’t that useful in many words– save for “just”, which is used with a high frequency.

24th: Y

Y is just a dumb letter. Is it a vowel, is it a consonant? I don’t know. Also its name can be used to bully it into oblivion. “Y are you so dumb, Y?”

23rd: L

L is one of the most minimalistic letters out there, but it’s just so gosh darned boring. It’s half a rectangle, which is very close to a square, which are characteristically lame and boring. So, by association, L is a very boring letter. Also, something something something, “L takes the L hahaha.”

22nd: T

T is a perfectly alright letter. However its constitution is very low and as a result gets winded rather easily, thus preventing it from scoring higher on the list.

21st: R

The pirate letter.

20th: W

W is a super wacky letter, and it’s got nice form and symmetry, however it’s just overshadowed by many of her peers.

19th: S

Looks like a snake, sounds like a snake, S is probably a snake.

18th: V

100% a flock of geese flying south for the winter. Also when turned it can turn into a carat, a greater than sign, AND, a lesser than sign. She’s got so much versatility when it comes to her aesthetic and props to her for that, but that’s where the compliments stop. She has practically no variety in the words she is used in, which is a shame. I’d like to see more from V in the future.

17th: I

I is the most minimalistic letter of the alphabet, and props to her for that. Also a skinny winny.

16th: U

U isn’t that great, but it has to be with I, ‘cuz I belong with U ;).

15th: X

Xylophone. X-ray. Xenon. Xenophobe. Also it looks like the railroad crossing sign and I can appreciate his willingness to protect us from trains.

14th: F

E but it’s missing a little liney doo.

13th: N

Not enough lines.

12th: M

Ah bieno, that’s the perfect amount of lines.

11th: Q

Too quirky. It’s the most quirky letter by far and I respect it for that, but also I HAAAAAATE her because of it.

10th: E


9th: G

G’s got a lot going on. It’s one continuous line but pretty wacky. Also I once loaned G twenty dollars and he paid me back, PLUS INTEREST, which was just so nice.

8th: K

A nice, hard letter.

7th: O

Second dopiest looking letter.

6th: D

Dopiest looking letter by far. It’s like an O that was crushed against a wall.

5th: P

Peter Piper icked a me sof peppers.

4th: H

H is the unsung hero of the alphabet.

3rd: C

C is a cool letter. It’s also the only letter with a treasure chest– or hairy chest, depending on your discretion.

2nd: Z

Z is just such a wacky letter. It can be used in so many great words: zip, zap, zop, Zini, Zimbabwe, Zoony, zoonster, zapster, Franzini, zebra, gazpacho and countless more!

1st: B

Y’know what they say, “Second is best.” And B is without a doubt the second letter alphabetically, so therefore– it is the best.