Administration takes the gowns off


Groot, Is Groot

Administration and students have finally reached an agreement to remove gowns from the graduation ceremony, and replace clothes with completely neutral togas.

“We need to go back to our roots,” said an administrator at the nationally televised press conference.

After the horrifying gown debacle earlier this month, harsh criticism had fallen upon the school from the community and its own students.

A unanimous decision was reached late Friday night after a moving speech made by senior Michael Porter.

“Look back through time and take away all the labels that society has given us. What are we? Just like the ancient peoples,” he said. “With bigger worries like Christianity, rather than graduation gown colors, this is a trivial matter.”

Everyone took his speech seriously and agreed that no modern forms of clothing will be allowed at the ceremony.

“I think it’s beautiful,” said a superintendent, wiping a tear from his eye. “We’ve really come so far as a society.”

Some students, however, are hesitant.

“This could escalate. What if they start bringing back ancient traditions?” asked Hannah Raymond ‘17.

“Dude, this is the best thing ever. I’m bringing a lion.” said Kyle Sterghom ‘15.

Ben Porter has come out to say that he does not endorse the actions that his speech inspired. “I was being dramatic. I didn’t think they would be literal about it.”