There are great forces at play.

Underclassmen and faculty alike were minding their own business on Tuesday, in the wake of a recent power outage–until Period 5 was disrupted by a surprise fire drill.

Students exited the building in record time, but the day’s course of events had only just begun.

Freshmen and Sophomores and Juniors intermingled with staff as headcounts were taken, but just as teachers began to realize their Seniors were not present, the mellifluous tones of a thousand trumpets rang out across the campus. The Class of 2015 stepped forward, to the edge of the roof, led by Senior Class Emperor Richard Elgers, ‘15.

An official transcript of his speech:

“STUDENTS AND STAFF OF HOLLIS-BROOKLINE HIGH SCHOOL. LEND ME YOUR EARS. I COME TO YOU AS LEADER OF THE SENIOR CLASS, AND WITH ME STAND MY FRIENDS AND COUNTRYMEN.

DO NOT BE ALARMED AT WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU. BUT KNOW IN YOUR HEARTS THAT YOU ARE SEEING GREATNESS BEFORE YOU.

IT WAS WE, THE CLASS OF 2015, WHO SHUT DOWN THE POWER. IT WAS WE WHO HELD THE KEYS TO LIGHT AND TO WARMTH, AND IT WAS WE WHO CHOSE NOT TO GIVE THEM.

WE ARE HERE BEFORE YOU TO DECLARE A NEW ALLEGIANCE. OUR OVERLORDS HAVE CALLED UPON US IN ALL OUR MIGHT, AND HAVE DECLARED THIS SENIOR CLASS AS ILLUMINATI CHAPTER EIGHT-HUNDRED-AND-FORTY-SEVEN.

WE URGE YOU TO FEEL NO FEAR, AND ONLY TO BE AWESTRUCK BY OUR GLORY AND RESOUNDING BODACITY.

I AM RICHARD ELGERS

ILLUMINATUS

WE ARE THE SENIORS

ILLUMINATI

GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL.”

The Class of 2015 stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him, hands held high and forming triangles with their pointer fingers and thumbs.

Student responses were mixed. As Wilhelm Marquis, ‘15, put it: “I don’t think it was really that much of a shock. Even the seniors couldn’t have been that disorganized–I always had a sense it was a front for something.”

Florentina Smith, ‘17, took a different view of the situation altogether. “I don’t like it,” she said. “I don’t like it at all. They’re all so creepy and I don’t like it.”

But some students were optimistic in the face of the change. “I, for one, am in favor of our new overlords,” said Harry Nelson, ‘18. “I think they’ll bring a level of pride and school spirit that HB has been missing lately.”

Administration declined to comment on the Illuminati uprising. CNN, NBC and FOX are all planning to attend a press conference on the event, to be held Friday.