Gravity shifts to the left


Wax MaGerbil, To The Left of Where I Was a Moment Ago

There has been a disturbance in the fabric of the universe.

Students and faculty alike were shocked this morning, when shortly after first period, gravity spontaneously shifted to the left.

Damage reports are minimal, but according to Hollis-Brookline Principal Bob Girzone, nobody really has any idea what to do about this.

“At first, we suspected that something had gone wrong during a routine repair by Mr. Gray and the custodial staff. But after a thorough review spanning two days and nineteen states, there are still no answers.”

Students were slow to adapt to the change, struggling to force open their opening-to-the-right locker doors. But while some teachers were caught off-guard, others have overcome the unique challenges this situation presents.

“I now teach perpendicular to my students, about halfway up the wall,” said Social Studies teacher Luke Forest. “I’ve found that when I stand on my whiteboard, I tend to get a lot more people looking my way.”

While there is no foreseeable end to this crisis, Deputy Head Superintendent Martha Sweeney is optimistic.

“There are few things that better stimulate learning,” she said in a press conference Wednesday morning, “than a captivating new thing to try and understand. We hope that all students and staff remain calm, and that leading astrophysicists soon decide to take an interest in solving this twenty-first century problem.”